How to turn yourself into a Japanese girl

WTF you may shout.

But I've been back in Tokyo for 2 weeks now
and have been feeling waaaaay out of place the WHOLE TIME .

BECAUSE! I TOTALLY, when I mean totally, it's not the half-ass "um toootalliiieeee,"
but FOR REAL do not look like a Japanese girl.

Why? Well, I have too much swag.... excuse me, but I just do not look like rest of them.
Obviously, Japanese female population does not consist of clones, so they are different individuals.
But they all look like a part of... I don't know... like a clan?
To me they look all the same for some reason, especially those who are around late teens to mid 30s??

THE AGE RANGE IS TOO WIDE GODDAMN IT.

Anyways.
So, after some observations, I have discovered some of the "patterns" that this clan of girls have to look like each other.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that is a bad thing.
It's a mere culture shock that I am re-experiencing after returning from NYC
where "individualism" and "being different" is SO emphasized.
What? Yuri you are frigging Jap so why are you so detached from your own frigging culture?

eeehhhmm.... whatever.

Here we go with the How To:

1. Look white. I mean white, like Caucasian. The paler skin the better.
   Dye your hair, brown or light brown. If you wanna look like a wild jap girl, go with blonde. If you prefer you can have fake colored contact lenses.If you are already Caucasian? MMMMM Skip this step.If you are tan like me or have dark skin tone? EEHHHHH smear yourselves with pale make up.
   
2. Put appropriate make-up. Have loads of mascara on. Or get eye lash extension to elongate them. But eyeliner all over. Put loads of gloss. Shave off your eyebrows and pencil them with brown/light brown.
   
3. Be skinny. enough said.
   
4. Wear appropriate clothing. If you want to look sweet, wear lacy floral cutesy romantic clothes.
   If you want to look conservative, layer and layer and layer. Wear leggings under skirt. Long sleeve shirt under everything. All year around.
   If you want to look wild, wear shorts and a tshirt with Japanglish or sequins. Wear skyhigh heels.
   
5. THIS IS IMPORTANT: Walk/stand with duck feet. This is essential people!!!! Consciously put your both toes inward when walking or standing. When walking, walk with REALLY small steps. Please.
   
6. Talk with high, child-like voice. Don't forget to cover your mouth when laughing.
   
7. Take picture appropriately. Slightly look up, pout your lips, and make peace-sign with your hand and put it next to your FACE.
   
8. (Optional) Avoid talking about anything intellectual. it's not lady-like to talk about politics or economy. talk about....eehhhmmm.... your brand-new gigantic teddy bear key chain.

Am I criticizing these girls??? No, of course not. 

I am not saying they aren't intellectual or are too much of conformists either. 

I am really just listing up all these similarities that came up through my careful observations. 

Do I look like this? No, I don't. 

Do I want to look like them?? ....maybe I will give it a try. maybe.... if I'm desperate to make friends...

I am also not saying that ALL Japanese female population is like this. 

Of course some enjoy their own personal styles that are completely off this list. 

BUT anyone who has been to Japan or visited Japan would not... more like CANNOT deny that these characteristics are painfully apparent in Japanese youths. cuz IT'S TRUUUEEEEE!!!!!

So you want to look like a Japanese girl? 

Kimono, cosplay, harajuku-girl-looks aren't gonna cut it, my friend. 

You better take this list and use it as a Japanese female style bible.